carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
