He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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