matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
