you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
