Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I checked into jail on foursquare
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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