I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
