you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
