Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
