If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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