Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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