if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
