I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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