When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
