I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
