If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
