my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
