Can i not drive my cunt home
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
