How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
