....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she told me i tasted like america
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
