just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
