I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
