im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
