u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
someone threw a dead crab at me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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