I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
