Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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