i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
