just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
