we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
