He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
