My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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