haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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