woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
