your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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