We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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