take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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