Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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