i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
