Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
