would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
