Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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