so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
