he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
