i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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