I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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