Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just sucked dick on a ferry
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
