I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
