the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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