i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She said her name was "party"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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