The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
