please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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