i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Come on in and take your pants off
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