Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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